Its okay son,

we can’t all grow up to be doctors, lawyers, movie stars, or high end service workers. Fear not, though luxury and state mandated healthcare may remain ever elusive, you might grow up to become a professional athlete’s donkey or a turtle.

UPDATE: all I want for christmas is

thanks, drunkcyclist, for making me laugh today.

and thanks electrocity for educating me as I twiddle away some time.