Mom’s Fish Tacos

The House of Lumbees (formerly the Auburn House, previously Awww-burn) ran out of TP. I blame Adam. It’s his fault. He buys it when he goes to Costco. He went twice. I know because pineapple cores showed up in a large container in the fridge. then, weeks later, there were large packages of lunch meat. He went, twice. But no TP. He got Paper towels. Fine ones. No TP.

Then we ran out of the “back-mouth paper products” in the bathroom I share with two other roommates. I had a very large meal on my dinner break at work (Chipotle, I always wished I’d eaten only half that burrito, but boy howdy I just love it too much), and I was feeling a need to displace and evacuate the ‘ole system.

[gentle aside: I have suspicions. I have these two new roommates. i believe one of them is using lots of toilet paper. and soap. (even more gentle aside : I've heard of people who double or triple pump automatically at the soap dispenser. WITHOUT KNOWING OUTPUT. Now, i understand if you are in a raunchy public shitter, and you want to get the filth of the common people from your soft mandibles as soon as possible. But when it's inside YOUR OWN HOUSE, you would think the double pumping would stop. idk, maybe one of them are obssesive compulsive closet case. in that case, that one needs to do the dishes more often ) I think this same roommate is bunching up the toilet paper. The Costco stuff was Kirkland, decent quality stuff. and he was double, triple, maybe quadruple folding it. jesus, maybe bunching. regardless, wasting it.]

Resources have been used in the bathroom at what I feel to be an unnatural rate. wtf. Whatevs. regardless, I return home, with a couple of brown beauties knocking at my door and I nca only hope to oblige. One of the new roommates (or both, who the fuck knows) doesn’t replace empty tp rolls. _awesome_ . A previous roommate was the same way, and I’ve learned to try to glance before I sit and unleash. I fortunately did just that when I was just beginning my 20-minute residency. Immediate I clenched thought quickly. I remembered my “personal” roll I keep in my room that was half full. Opening the door as I had my boxer/pant combo halfway up to “closed position”, I thought many curses and awful revenges. After the boxer/pant combo cleared my rear apparatus, I clenched and ran to my room, snatched the roll and return with great speed, a quickness with a hint of desperation. I sat it only on it’s side, atop the counter with a light covering of follicle-based dna evidence of a slightly careless user. I would spend a brief portion of my residency to put it into the correct holder, with the output coming from the top [one of the new roommates (or both of them) doesn't install with the roll's output at the top, and instead at the bottom. (but that's for another blog, I suppose) I always rectify this immediately, but find it irritating none-the-less]

This adventure instilled in me the fear of having no toilet paper in the house. So I decided to purchase some tp myself to coast us until the next standard bulk purchase could be made. At the local supermarket, I thought of the previous post on this lovely blog and wondered which I should choose, with the variety and selection seemingly beyond need. Cost was an issue, as I was spending loads on a party I was throwing (yeah, for myself. tacky? probably. Did it go well? of course). A $1 difference between one and another? Doesn’t seem like a big deal, I know. It was even noted as having 1000 sheets. It didn’t occur to me to consider quilted, scented, ply count. I guess I didn’t think any tp existed without 2-ply and some other extras. I was so wrong thinking that, and became so wrong to choose Scott’s 1000.

From the moment I opened it and replaced the previous lush kirkland roll, I knew what the thin sheets meant for that experience. I would be doubling and doubling again the tp to achieve the effect I was used to. I even tried to bunch it once. I was beginning to understand that roommate’s experience. He’d probably only ever had cheap shitty tp and didn’t know that not only was bunching good tp unnecessary, it could easily back up the toilet. But here I was, bunching away and wiping plenty.

’twas awful. I am thorough, and it was becoming a problem.

We have 2 rolls left. I think my head roommate, the one in charge of tp, made a desperate move to get the needed tp from kirkland in what I have to assume was a trip to costco with a single item shopping list. Now I have two rolls left and I don’t want to finish the current one, nor the other two. I don’t even want to use them as my “personal” rolls in my room, since I have an awesome 4 sheet, 2-ply situation that work and that I have grown familiar with.